The Temple Cafe

hmm…

Sylphhawkins — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 13:27:25 +0000

I find it curious that I’m trying to run a wholefoods café because I think food is fundamentally important to our wellbeing and today my diet has consisted of: 4 swigs of iron supplement, 2 beroccas, 1 glass of juice, 1 coffee, 1 ginseng tablet, half a bundy and coke, half a sandwich and half a 250g block of milky chocolate. Hmm…

moving on.

Sylphhawkins — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 05:24:19 +0000

It’s amazing. I actually hate The Temple Cafe. Hate it strongly and deeply. And I hate everything it stands for and tries to do. I actually don’t care about the Earth or being gentle to it. I don’t care about creating community and working together in a team. I also sincerely don’t care about listening to my intuition. I don’t care how my actions or reactions affect the rest of the world. Fuck the rest of the world. From now on I’m only doing what feels great and what is easy. No more persistence or hard work. Nope it’s not for me. I don’t enjoy it, I don’t gain from it. I hate The Temple Café for taking over my life, when I actually could have been doing really amazing things with my money. I could have been to India, I could have been to South America, I could have bought a dozen new matching sets of underwear, I could have bought 5 pairs of new shoes, I could have dined out at amazing restaurants every night this year. I could have had massages and facials, and hair dos and dresses. Why did I care so much about ‘doing something’, ‘contributing to the world’? From now it’s all about me and doing what’s fun. I quit the Temple Café.

finished?

Sylphhawkins — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 14:56:02 +0000

It’s hard to know when something’s challenging just because it is and because we learn to grow from it, or when it’s hard because the world it telling us we need to do something else. For the past 2 weeks I’ve been facing that decision with The Temple. This has been a dream that I’ve been working really hard on for the past 6 months; it’s taken so much of my time, my savings and my energy.

My knee was hurting today, does that mean its time for a change of direction?

It’s 1:45am. I was sitting here catching up on emails and writing my blog a few minutes ago when it began to rain. It’s usually a beautiful sound in an area with an acute water shortage, but tonight I set up a marquee and the kitchen that we were to be using for our next festival in a few days time because the council health and safety lady has to come and check it tomorrow. I’d also left the carpet outside to air out. No rain was predicted. I ran outside, barefoot and with barely anything on to cover the carpet. As I struggled with tarps in the half dark, I heard a noise behind me. I turned around just in time to see a small gust of wind pick the marquee up and place it down in a crumpled heap just beside the kitchen, leaving the stoves, and tables to be rained on, and us 1 marquee down. I don’t know if I have the time or money to get another one before the festival. And the organiser says we’re not allowed to have our bus because its too big. I’ve already ordered a couple of hundred dollars worth of food. And I can’t keep putting money in to plugging up holes. I could have travelled for months on what I’ve put into The Temple already. The rain lasted all of 5 minutes and the air is still.

I was already feeling frustrated and let down by a member of the crew tonight. And incredibly over-whelmed and over-tired, with a hundred things left to do before I go to sleep tonight.

I feel like I’ve followed by guidance and intuition deeply in my work with The Temple. I feel like I’ve given up so much to work on this. And I feel like the Universe is slapping me in the face. They tell me that persistence is key. But when is something challenging because we need to learn and grow from it and when is it hard because we need to do something else?

departure eve

Sylphhawkins — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 13:12:03 +0000

So we leave tomorrow. i think i’m too tired to know how I’m feeling about it. Thigs were flowing again today, it seems to go that way, waves and cycles. Challenges that came up earlier in the week seem to have been averted. We got the marquee, we might be able to substitute something else for the Agave syrup that’s stuck at the port. The forgotten order of cacao arrived express post this evening. I managed to buy just about everything we need. The bus is half packed. There are still a few things that play on my mind. Do we have enough food? Too much food? How are we going to set the kitchen up? Where in the bus will I stack the big pots? What about the printing I still have to get done? Tired mind struggling. Probably best I get some sleep.

puddles

Sylphhawkins — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 12:37:45 +0000

maybe there is something better than feeling ok. maybe not being ok and being ok with that, somehow has more meaning.

I’m a puddle again. but I am a loved and supported puddle.

another step

Sylphhawkins — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 12:23:38 +0000

another big day. the exciting news is that I have a bedroom again, as opposed to a temple cafe store room with a bed hiding in it. karen and i cuaght up this morning for a hundred trips up and down the stairs and moved everything temple cafe into the bus. My workout for the week. And tonight we got our staff together for the very first time. I am excited about working with such beautful, loving souls.

Today, I’m feeling completely overwhelmed and out of my depth in all of this. Another mini-breakdown today, and a constant feeling of fragility and anxiety. I wouldn’t have it any other way though. I was thinking today that if someone had told me how challenging this was going to be, that I wouldn’t have done it, but that’s not true, I would have done it just to prove that I could, and because I like a challenge. I will grow through this, and I will be stronger and clearer for having faced everything that’s being brought up for me right now. Remind me of that when I become a puddle again tomorrow.

getting there…

Sylphhawkins — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 12:30:46 +0000

Things are whirring along, and I’m having a ‘feeling really happy about where we’re at day today’. Spending the morning out at St Andrew’s Market and not having done any work at all has probably contributed to that, but I’ll take it.

I did feel something really amazing yesterday. I was having another one of my ‘freak-out moments’; those moments when something doesn’t happen as I’d planned and I think the whole world is ending. I’m becoming quite used to them. But I’m also finally getting the idea that they pass. That before too long an alternative shows itself, things start flowing again. Yesterday, for the first time, I was really able to feel ok in my feeling like my whole world was ending. A completely amazing experience.

I’ve also begun to ask myself “Why wouldn’t this be amazing?” “Why couldn’t I be a part of something incredible?” It’s an interesting experiment for me to sit with feeling that; a strength and confidence in myself that I’m unfamiliar with. Last week when I was at home working on the bus I really faced my inner belief that I’m a failure and I’ll never be good enough. I realised that a part of me wanted The Temple to fail because it would confirm a deep belief I had/have that I’m a failure; and my ego could prove itself right. As ironic and self defeating as that is, I think maybe the ego likes to be right more than anything else. Having faced that though, and really looked at it, it seems to have lost is power some. And I really can see the amazingness that is my life.

eek! & weehee! at the same time

Sylphhawkins — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 06:34:46 +0000

I’m a nervous wreck! And I’m happy to admit it at this point. I’m over trying to talk myself out of how I’m feeling and putting on a happy face. I’m downing Rescue Remedy like it’s going out of fashion. This is damn hard work. More work, more money and more challenging than I ever imagined. There are moments each day when I seriously question why I’m doing this, and if it is actually still what I want to be doing with myself. The answer is still that it is what feels right at this moment in time; regardless of the outcome of The Temple, this is exactly where I’m meant to be right now.

We’re a week away from our first away festival. The strongest feelings are nervous, anxious, fearful. My journey with The Temple has already been so full and rich and challenging; but in the last couple of weeks, it’s challenged me more deeply than anything else I’ve ever done. It’s brought me to face some of my most fundamental belief patterns and taken me to face some of the darkest parts of my heart. And its absolute paradox! Because at the same time as I’m being so completely challenged and feeling in to such strong feelings of despair, I’m also feeling so loved and so supported and so blessed. And I’m learning so much. It seems that for every moment that leaves me wanting to run away to a cave in India, there are 3 that warm my heart, lift my spirits and make it all feel worthwhile.

I have been completely amazed and humbled and awed at the support I’ve already received in working on this. It’s probably been one of the greatest lessons and gifts of working on all of this. Being able to open to support, knowing that I deserve to receive. The question was posed to me the other day of what I would do if one of my friends was working a huge crazy amazing dream. Obviously I’d want to help them. And I could really see that my friends are supporting me so willingly, because they love me, and the love the idea of what I’m doing. From also more abstract sources, The Universe, I call it, but we all have our names for it, I feel supported too. Just by the way things show up when they need to. The way I’m offered help, sometimes even before I know I need it. Overall, despite small interruptions, things are flowing. I’m just trying to remember that.

I’m also starting to maybe see that for all the challenges this whole project has brought me, I will probably appreciate it more in the end. I’m starting to see that it’s the things we really have to work on that mean the most to us. Like when a friendship’s challenged and you move through it, and it becomes more solid than ever. Or when you cultivate something within yourself and you really really appreciate that strength in you. Although I’m struggling at times to see it now, I have a feeling that one day I’ll appreciate these challenges I’m facing and I’ll love The Temple so much more for all of it.

YuM!

Sylphhawkins — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 04:22:58 +0000

It’s all go from here…

in a whizzzz of business works….

in a tizzzz from the learning…

in a dance when it’s too much…

to a laugh when we wooopsies…

in a “sheer we are going to do this and it’s going to be grt8″

to downing a glass of spiralina…

in the hmmmmm’s yummy as meet and eat…

and always in love and thanks for that has been and is to come.

Spring Equinox Feastival 2008 – photos =)

Sylphhawkins — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 04:15:39 +0000

The Spring Equinox Feastival was AWESOME!!

here are some photos of The Temple Cafe @ the Spring Equinox Feastival 2008.

(We cant seem to upload them at the moment, but heres a Flickr link for the time being -

http://www.flickr.com/photos/equinoxfeastival/

Thanks everyone and EVERYONE!!